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Comments for Birthcycle http://blog.birthcycle.com a feminist look at pregnancy, birth, fertility, contraception, plus assorted other topics Sun, 05 Feb 2012 10:43:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by Delianth http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-37149 Delianth Thu, 14 Oct 2010 05:40:29 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-37149 <i>It’s purely about “how would I like my sexual encounter to go?� - fantasy in the daydream “fairytale castle� variety, no more.</i> I find this really... scary. Maybe you don't see this, but having an ideal sexual fantasy where someone's comfort is ignored, where they're put in straining positions, and where there's no focus on people <i>as people</i> is really unhealthy. Because porn is sociopathic: you use people like that's disposable. Maybe you can't see where I'm coming from like that; I certainly don't see where it's personally acceptable to fantasize about it. Then there's that <i>it's not your fantasy</i>. It's not. It's not about "how would I like my sexual fantasy to go?" because it has nothing to do with your fantasy: it's someone else's entirely. And I'm pretty sure I've punched that person before. And the other thing is that, as I know in my experience with and coming back from porn, the more you watch porn, the less you know about what you really like. (Unless you're a sociopath, but I hope not.) Your sexual fantasies and what you find attractive molds around what's being presented to you as sexy and hot, <i>especially</i> if you masturbate to it. Porn is hard as hell to get out of your head. And even aside from the idea of a teaching tool (and I too have heard the same thing from people), you're just presenting another Utopian Promise of Porn: it's just a harmless fantasy that has no effect on you or anyone else. It's <i>just</i> masturbation material. It's <i>just</i> something (supposed to be) sexy and attractive to get off to. I find it really disturbing that you don't question that. It’s purely about “how would I like my sexual encounter to go?� - fantasy in the daydream “fairytale castle� variety, no more.

I find this really… scary. Maybe you don’t see this, but having an ideal sexual fantasy where someone’s comfort is ignored, where they’re put in straining positions, and where there’s no focus on people as people is really unhealthy.

Because porn is sociopathic: you use people like that’s disposable. Maybe you can’t see where I’m coming from like that; I certainly don’t see where it’s personally acceptable to fantasize about it.

Then there’s that it’s not your fantasy. It’s not. It’s not about “how would I like my sexual fantasy to go?” because it has nothing to do with your fantasy: it’s someone else’s entirely. And I’m pretty sure I’ve punched that person before.

And the other thing is that, as I know in my experience with and coming back from porn, the more you watch porn, the less you know about what you really like. (Unless you’re a sociopath, but I hope not.) Your sexual fantasies and what you find attractive molds around what’s being presented to you as sexy and hot, especially if you masturbate to it.

Porn is hard as hell to get out of your head. And even aside from the idea of a teaching tool (and I too have heard the same thing from people), you’re just presenting another Utopian Promise of Porn: it’s just a harmless fantasy that has no effect on you or anyone else. It’s just masturbation material. It’s just something (supposed to be) sexy and attractive to get off to.

I find it really disturbing that you don’t question that.

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 1 by Jane Palmer http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/22/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-1/#comment-34811 Jane Palmer Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:10:39 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/22/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-1/#comment-34811 Dear Kenzie - what a fantastic blog. I was wondering if I could reproduce your blog - "The System is Broken if it doesn't leave people whole" parts 1-5 on www.pregnancy.com.au I'd love to share it with my readers and I would of course link back to your blog. I am hoping you will consider my request - Jane (mother, midwife and childbirth advocate) Dear Kenzie - what a fantastic blog. I was wondering if I could reproduce your blog - “The System is Broken if it doesn’t leave people whole” parts 1-5 on www.pregnancy.com.au I’d love to share it with my readers and I would of course link back to your blog. I am hoping you will consider my request - Jane (mother, midwife and childbirth advocate)

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 5 by Kenzie http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33954 Kenzie Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:08:56 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33954 Hi Katherine, The most recent study that I know of can be found here: http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/short/cmaj.081869v1 You can click to get the full text in the top right of the page. If you read through it you'll note that they were careful to match homebirthing women to two other groups, first a matched group who planned hospital births with the same group of midwives and second with a matched group who planned hospital births with a physician/OB. By definition, in order for the women to be "allowed" to plan a homebirth with Registered Midwives in BC they would have had to meet the criteria for "low risk" and therefore the matched groups would have had to also. The groups were matched for age, parity, general income levels, etc. Looking at matched groups in this way would seem to be the only way to actually tease out the risks of both birth places. The results of this study were that home birth was safer than hospital birth, although as usual it was reported in the media as "home birth is as safe as hospital birth". That's the media for you. The rate of neonatal death was .35% in planned homebirths with midwives and .65% in planned hospital births with doctors. This is a difference of three babies per thousand births, and I'm not sure how statistically significant it is. But you can bet yer boots that if the difference had been the exact opposite, with the higher death rate in the homebirth category it would have been reported that giving birth at home would NEARLY DOUBLE the risk of your baby DYING! OMGeleventy! The risk of c-section was also significantly higher in the hospital birth group, so comparing two groups where one has a higher rate of major abdominal surgery than the other and declaring that they are both "as safe" is sort of like saying that walking on the sidewalk is as safe as walking on the road, with the hidden bias that getting hit by cars occasionally is no big deal as long as you don't die. Keep in mind that "High Risk" and "Low Risk" are moving targets in the obstetric world, and may not even be meaningful categories. Hi Katherine,

The most recent study that I know of can be found here: http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/short/cmaj.081869v1 You can click to get the full text in the top right of the page.

If you read through it you’ll note that they were careful to match homebirthing women to two other groups, first a matched group who planned hospital births with the same group of midwives and second with a matched group who planned hospital births with a physician/OB. By definition, in order for the women to be “allowed” to plan a homebirth with Registered Midwives in BC they would have had to meet the criteria for “low risk” and therefore the matched groups would have had to also. The groups were matched for age, parity, general income levels, etc. Looking at matched groups in this way would seem to be the only way to actually tease out the risks of both birth places.

The results of this study were that home birth was safer than hospital birth, although as usual it was reported in the media as “home birth is as safe as hospital birth”. That’s the media for you.

The rate of neonatal death was .35% in planned homebirths with midwives and .65% in planned hospital births with doctors. This is a difference of three babies per thousand births, and I’m not sure how statistically significant it is. But you can bet yer boots that if the difference had been the exact opposite, with the higher death rate in the homebirth category it would have been reported that giving birth at home would NEARLY DOUBLE the risk of your baby DYING! OMGeleventy!

The risk of c-section was also significantly higher in the hospital birth group, so comparing two groups where one has a higher rate of major abdominal surgery than the other and declaring that they are both “as safe” is sort of like saying that walking on the sidewalk is as safe as walking on the road, with the hidden bias that getting hit by cars occasionally is no big deal as long as you don’t die.

Keep in mind that “High Risk” and “Low Risk” are moving targets in the obstetric world, and may not even be meaningful categories.

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 5 by Katherine http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33940 Katherine Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:50:53 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33940 When you say "Research has shown repeatedly that hospital birth is not as safe as home birth." - has this research accounted for the possibility that hospital birth appears more dangerous than home birth because high-risk births and (actual) problematic births are highly encouraged to occur at the hospital? I totally agree with the rest of your message about how hospital births have more intervention than is necessary, which has real effects on the mothers that have them, and that the lack of consent (screw informed consent, doesn't even look like they get uninformed consent) is both worrying and wrong. When you say “Research has shown repeatedly that hospital birth is not as safe as home birth.” - has this research accounted for the possibility that hospital birth appears more dangerous than home birth because high-risk births and (actual) problematic births are highly encouraged to occur at the hospital?

I totally agree with the rest of your message about how hospital births have more intervention than is necessary, which has real effects on the mothers that have them, and that the lack of consent (screw informed consent, doesn’t even look like they get uninformed consent) is both worrying and wrong.

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 5 by Catina Adams http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33916 Catina Adams Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:15:56 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33916 A truly excellent decription of the situation that we also face in Australia. I would also add my suggestion - Act local, Think global. Do not underestimate the impact of caring human contact on an individual basis. kind regards, Catina A truly excellent decription of the situation that we also face in Australia. I would also add my suggestion - Act local, Think global. Do not underestimate the impact of caring human contact on an individual basis.
kind regards, Catina

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 5 by Carolyn Hastie http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33898 Carolyn Hastie Wed, 24 Feb 2010 10:43:59 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33898 Yes. Agreed. Thanks for your posting, warmly, Carolyn Yes. Agreed. Thanks for your posting, warmly, Carolyn

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 5 by JudyC http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33897 JudyC Wed, 24 Feb 2010 09:47:54 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/23/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-5/#comment-33897 An excellent series of articles. Australia is slightly less interventive but we still have the 30% CS rate. Our system also needs fixing. An excellent series of articles. Australia is slightly less interventive but we still have the 30% CS rate. Our system also needs fixing.

]]> Comment on Babies and the Cultural Performance of Femininity by Metal Prophet http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/06/26/babies-and-the-cultural-performance-of-femininity/#comment-33730 Metal Prophet Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:24:42 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/06/26/babies-and-the-cultural-performance-of-femininity/#comment-33730 Any baby of mine, regardless of sex, will be dressed in green, to confuse people. No blue and no pink. Any baby of mine, regardless of sex, will be dressed in green, to confuse people. No blue and no pink.

]]> Comment on The system is broken if it doesn’t leave people whole - Part 1 by Janet Fraser http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/22/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-1/#comment-33713 Janet Fraser Wed, 17 Feb 2010 07:03:15 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2010/01/22/the-system-is-broken-if-it-doesnt-leave-people-whole-part-1/#comment-33713 I love your blog! Thank you for such great writing and thoughtful insights. I love your blog! Thank you for such great writing and thoughtful insights.

]]> Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by MLF http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33362 MLF Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:31:40 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33362 I know this is old but I can't believe that someone suggested Adam and Eve porn as "utopian" porn - not even close. For one - it has A LOT of anal sex in it (nothing to do with female pleasure except for women who only gain their pleasure through a mans). None of the positions looked stimulating for the women. There were even scenes devoted to "blowjobs" (complete with throat F**cking) but NONE devoted to going down on women. There were a bunch of threesomes - where the two women were pleasuring the man but when it was two men - it was about the one woman pleasuring them both. And all of the women are white, with implants and fake tans. Ugh - why can't people SEE that? The only reason I watched one was because my ex had hidden it from me and I found it when he was at work. I was curious about what he was getting off on. I'm SURE that he didn't see the degrading things I saw in it. I think one of the problems is that the people who come on-line and defend porn have NEVER stopped and actually broken down the porn they watch (they've never critiqued it like "does that position stimulate the clit? or Does she really look like she's enjoying anal sex?). You won't see the sexism or the cruelty unless you are looking for it. Anyway - good points you mentioned. I found this through the anti-porn blog I know this is old but I can’t believe that someone suggested Adam and Eve porn as “utopian” porn - not even close. For one - it has A LOT of anal sex in it (nothing to do with female pleasure except for women who only gain their pleasure through a mans). None of the positions looked stimulating for the women. There were even scenes devoted to “blowjobs” (complete with throat F**cking) but NONE devoted to going down on women. There were a bunch of threesomes - where the two women were pleasuring the man but when it was two men - it was about the one woman pleasuring them both. And all of the women are white, with implants and fake tans.
Ugh - why can’t people SEE that?
The only reason I watched one was because my ex had hidden it from me and I found it when he was at work. I was curious about what he was getting off on. I’m SURE that he didn’t see the degrading things I saw in it.
I think one of the problems is that the people who come on-line and defend porn have NEVER stopped and actually broken down the porn they watch (they’ve never critiqued it like “does that position stimulate the clit? or Does she really look like she’s enjoying anal sex?). You won’t see the sexism or the cruelty unless you are looking for it.
Anyway - good points you mentioned. I found this through the anti-porn blog

]]> Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by bri http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33192 bri Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:21:03 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33192 thankyou. i am going to use some of your for an english essay, i hope you dont mind. i promise to cite! thanks =] thankyou. i am going to use some of your for an english essay, i hope you dont mind. i promise to cite! thanks =]

]]> Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by Erin http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33142 Erin Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:03:21 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33142 Tea, I think you are right in that contemporary images of romance are damaging but I don't think we need to form a hierarchy competing with porn for which is the most damaging. Porn is damaging to people's lives. Whether romance genre is or not does not detract from how problematic porn is. Tea,

I think you are right in that contemporary images of romance are damaging but I don’t think we need to form a hierarchy competing with porn for which is the most damaging.
Porn is damaging to people’s lives. Whether romance genre is or not does not detract from how problematic porn is.

]]> Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by antiplondon http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33052 antiplondon Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:22:58 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-33052 Hello, I’d still really like to quote and link to this post at the Anti-Porn Feminists blog, but I need a clearly stated 'yes' from you so I know you're ok with that! Thanks! Hello,

I’d still really like to quote and link to this post at the Anti-Porn Feminists blog, but I need a clearly stated ‘yes’ from you so I know you’re ok with that!

Thanks!

]]> Comment on In which I avoid my NaNoWriMo commitments by blogging by diana http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/11/18/in-which-i-avoid-my-nanowrimo-commitments-by-blogging/#comment-32883 diana Tue, 12 Jan 2010 07:37:13 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/11/18/in-which-i-avoid-my-nanowrimo-commitments-by-blogging/#comment-32883 Dweeb I be; cannot figure out how to e-mail you so I'm doing this instead. Not meant as a post. Just a thank you. Wandered across your blog because of the utopian/porn post, linked elsewhere -- excellent points you made! And then I found the fat stuff. Decades-long fat activist here, and I really appreciated your honesty with your friend, plus the fact you can tolerate the good on the Alas blog. Anyway, love your blog(s), your son is adorable, and I thank you for your wisdoms and insights, and, especially, your excellent questions. Dweeb I be; cannot figure out how to e-mail you so I’m doing this instead. Not meant as a post. Just a thank you. Wandered across your blog because of the utopian/porn post, linked elsewhere — excellent points you made! And then I found the fat stuff. Decades-long fat activist here, and I really appreciated your honesty with your friend, plus the fact you can tolerate the good on the Alas blog. Anyway, love your blog(s), your son is adorable, and I thank you for your wisdoms and insights, and, especially, your excellent questions.

]]> Comment on Utopian Promise of Porn by Kenzie http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-31416 Kenzie Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:34:04 +0000 http://blog.birthcycle.com/2009/07/14/utopian-promise-of-porn/#comment-31416 Hi tea, I know very little about romance novels, having never really read any (at least not of the harlequin type), but I'd be interested in your take. Hi tea,

I know very little about romance novels, having never really read any (at least not of the harlequin type), but I’d be interested in your take.

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